Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
