true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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