ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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