i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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