Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
