The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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