i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
