Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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