OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
