I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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