wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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