I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
where does the pee come out of this thing
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
