new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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