Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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