I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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