I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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