just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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