I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
