Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
