not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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