listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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