Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
