if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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