my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
