i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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