So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
