You really coming over, don't trick.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
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