I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Barsexuality is the new black.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
