Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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