don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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