Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
