I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
