First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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