What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
