You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
