i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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