wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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