And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
