Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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