I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
