So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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