she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
