PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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