Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
