hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
