During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
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I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
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I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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