Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
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I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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