If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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