hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
