I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize