He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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