i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
