Can Purell be used as lube?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
