If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
