Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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