once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
