She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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