11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
