Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
