its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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