i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
