as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
