My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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