I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
