I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
