my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
dude. I can hear the air.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
