dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
