Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just had sex on a roof
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
