someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I believe in your delicious
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
