why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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