she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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