i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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