My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
