Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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