Already got asked if we're dating
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
