I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
