He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize