It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
