Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
