i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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