Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
