2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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