At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
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And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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