i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
