I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
