I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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