i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
