Can Purell be used as lube?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
