Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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